Goodbye disability labels, hello self-esteem!

When my little girl was diagnosed with significant developmental delays, the words used to describe her were "severe cognitive impairment" and "global developmental delay (motor, speech, language, social)." We were later told twice by two different doctors that she has autism, but then were told twice by two other doctors that she does not have autism but she has developmental delay. Regardless of her medical diagnosis, we prefer to focus on her strengths, interests, and dreams, in all aspects of her life.


We have tried to not use disability labels to define our daughter. Labels can be crippling when used. We also try never to say that our daughter has "special needs." This term is outdated and invokes pity, yet it's used frequntly in our school system and community. Children and adults with disabilities are no more "special" than anyone else. We all have unique needs, don't we? ALL people are special.
Unfortunately, there will be some environments where people feel required to refer to disability labels when they are routinely discussing an individual. A couple of years ago, I gave everyone on the IEP team a copy of Kathie Snow's People First Language thinking it would open up a positive dialogue. One member argued with me about how realistic using this language was in a school environment where the disability determines the level of service. It was like an old dog refusing to learn new tricks. The others said they appreciated receiving the article. It's a new way of thinking...a respectful way of speaking! The way a person is spoken to and spoken about shapes theirs' and others' views of them.

We musn't set people up for failure by allowing disability labels to be the driving force in their life or expectations about what they can learn, do, or be. As parents, we must set high expectations for ALL children and make sure the school system, and other settings, do this as well.
Disability labels can also create dispair and a view about the person that they can't or won't amount to much. I'd rather focus on what people can do and build on that. Celebrate dreams, talents, and hopes.
A person will develop good self esteem if you speak about him/her in positive terms.
"Grace's artwork is amazing!" (vs. Grace needs to learn to color in the lines)
"Ben loves drawing and painting." (Ben cannot hold his paintbrush correctly)
"Mary is having fun at gymnastics class. (She can't jump as high the other kids in class)
"Christopher has a fun sense of humor." (vs. Christopher is too loud and too silly)
"Sally wants to make friends. (vs. Sally has trouble making friends)
"Suzy dreams of being a fire firefighter one day." (vs. Suzy has poor social skills so she won't amount to much)
Positive words can be said about every individual in this world. Afterall, every person has unique gifts and talents to be applauded. Why not celebrate these gifts and build upon them rather than trying to correct things that don't fit the traditional mold or a particular setting where people like things a certain way or expect people to behave in a certain way?